Total weight loss to date: 7kg
Total centimetre loss to date:
Arms: 2.4cm
Waist: 2.5cm
Under bust: 4.5cm
Thigh: 2.6cm
Hips: 2.7cm
I currently feel like I'm living a double life as someone who is awesome and happy and strong willed, but who is secretly obsessing over every gram and every kilojoule. It's starting to get quite annoying. I want easy to please me back.
I just don't understand why I'm going all crazy again.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Reason #296 why this boy is awesome
Him: What are you thinking?
Me: Nothing. Well. Nothing. I'm just being silly.
Him: Tell me.
Me, sighing: I'm just... scared you're going to get bored of me.
Him, laughing: Well that should be the other way around.
Me: How so?
Him: Well, you're awesome and have stories and know about Giapo. I'm just a guy who lives in New Plymouth.
Me: But... what about when I run out of stories?
Him: Then we'll make new ones.
Me: Nothing. Well. Nothing. I'm just being silly.
Him: Tell me.
Me, sighing: I'm just... scared you're going to get bored of me.
Him, laughing: Well that should be the other way around.
Me: How so?
Him: Well, you're awesome and have stories and know about Giapo. I'm just a guy who lives in New Plymouth.
Me: But... what about when I run out of stories?
Him: Then we'll make new ones.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
singing hearts and light boots
A week ago I went to a spiritual store and bought a ring. Because I bought something, they made me take one of their business cards. All of their business cards have their shop details on one side, and a cool affirmation or whatever on the other side. Mine said:
"Your purpose in life is to do the thing that makes your heart sing."
It kind of completed me. Then I read the quote, "Artists are just regular people who dream in the daylight," and that completed me also. Quotes have been making me feel pretty chilled lately, which is great.
The other thing that's been making me feel pretty chilled is the new boyface I've managed to acquire. I know you're all gagging for details, so here you are. He's tall, with curls. We go on adventures to the zoo and make chalk art and he can always cheer me up when I'm in a bad mood. He has an impressive film and television taste (which we all know is important to me :P) and we both wear glasses. We share quite a few of the same opinions, like how driving is stupid. He accepts my crazy and makes me feel gorgeous and he smells nice.
I do have photos, but sharing them with the entire internet feels weird, so hit me up if you desperately need to see.
"Your purpose in life is to do the thing that makes your heart sing."
It kind of completed me. Then I read the quote, "Artists are just regular people who dream in the daylight," and that completed me also. Quotes have been making me feel pretty chilled lately, which is great.
The other thing that's been making me feel pretty chilled is the new boyface I've managed to acquire. I know you're all gagging for details, so here you are. He's tall, with curls. We go on adventures to the zoo and make chalk art and he can always cheer me up when I'm in a bad mood. He has an impressive film and television taste (which we all know is important to me :P) and we both wear glasses. We share quite a few of the same opinions, like how driving is stupid. He accepts my crazy and makes me feel gorgeous and he smells nice.
I do have photos, but sharing them with the entire internet feels weird, so hit me up if you desperately need to see.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Confusion
I've met someone who challenges my view on platonic cuddling. Well... met isn't an appropriate word since we've known each other a few weeks now, and challenging my view also isn't correct since it's more of an overthrow of my entire thinking on the concept.
I believe platonic cuddling can exist. Last night I was... I wouldn't exactly say that my belief was rocked, but things lost their clarity. I know this is remarkably vague, but I haven't really sorted through all of my thoughts and I know this blog is easily google-able if you know what to search.
Yesterday one of my workmates helped me cover my pill box hat frame and then we watched Donnie Darko and How I Met Your Mother. It was the Slap Bet/Robin Sparkles episode which is my favourite episode.
Sometimes I wish things were simple. Sometimes I wish I had the ability to say, "Hey, I like you," without freaking out about it. I would trade any one of my other persony-things (like my ability to public speak) if I were able to tell someone I was into them without almost dying from a panic attack.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
My purchases for the past three weeks
Normally I'm pretty good at not spending money. Sometimes, however (like when I'm sad) I don't think about things before I buy. I was just thinking before about what I'd bought over the last few weeks and realised how unnecessary most of it is. I mean, sure, it made me feel good to buy it and have it and all the rest, but do I really need it?
So I've decided to start a new section on this blog: my weekly purchases. Of course, since this is the first post, it'll be my purchases for the last few weeks. Hopefully I'll be able to look at things properly this way and note how much I'm spending and why I'm spending it. Kind of like the Great No Shopping For Lucy Or She Buys Us Booze challenge Lucy went through last year, except I'm not promising a bar tab at the end. Sorry, guys.
Salem Falls - Jodi Picoult. Purchased new, $16.
Season One of Gossip Girl. Purchased new, $29.99
Plato's Symposium. Purchased secondhand - $5.50
Whittakers Peanut Slab.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky. Purchased new, $23.95
Black pants. Purchased new, $24.99.
Electric blue cardigan. Purchased new, $31.99.
Heart necklace with ribbon. Purchased new, $7.
Elephant necklace. Purchased new, $11.50.
I've also bought things like tickets to a play, lunch for me and my parents and other strange and delightful things that I've found at work.
So I've decided to start a new section on this blog: my weekly purchases. Of course, since this is the first post, it'll be my purchases for the last few weeks. Hopefully I'll be able to look at things properly this way and note how much I'm spending and why I'm spending it. Kind of like the Great No Shopping For Lucy Or She Buys Us Booze challenge Lucy went through last year, except I'm not promising a bar tab at the end. Sorry, guys.
Salem Falls - Jodi Picoult. Purchased new, $16.
Season One of Gossip Girl. Purchased new, $29.99
Plato's Symposium. Purchased secondhand - $5.50
Whittakers Peanut Slab.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky. Purchased new, $23.95
Black pants. Purchased new, $24.99.
Electric blue cardigan. Purchased new, $31.99.
Heart necklace with ribbon. Purchased new, $7.
Elephant necklace. Purchased new, $11.50.
I've also bought things like tickets to a play, lunch for me and my parents and other strange and delightful things that I've found at work.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
21sts
Last night I went to my friend Jeremy's 21st.
I also had a little too much to drink and woke up with a killer hangover, bright and early for work this morning.
I had some interesting conversations with some fun people. Most of the girls there were pretty and had nice legs and perfect hair and were not weird. I felt incredibly out of place but I managed to find some people who I could chatter away with. It really started me thinking about my own 21st. I've known for the past year or so that I'm not having a party, but a dinner. I already have my guest list sorted and unless some major stuff happens between now and July 31st there will be 12 seats at the table.
I'm even excessive enough to know who is sitting where because in my group of invitees there is the potential that a few people may not get on very well. Now I'm trying to decide how grown up it should be. Last night there was a game of pass the parcel and in some of the wrappings were disposable cameras. If you got a camera, you had to use it up on shots of the night. I've heard of people doing it at weddings too and it seems kind of neat... but with a guest list as small as mine it seems a little silly.
Anyway. Yeah. I still need to pick where the eating will occur, but I'm getting some help with that one so hopefully all will be swell!
I also had a little too much to drink and woke up with a killer hangover, bright and early for work this morning.
I had some interesting conversations with some fun people. Most of the girls there were pretty and had nice legs and perfect hair and were not weird. I felt incredibly out of place but I managed to find some people who I could chatter away with. It really started me thinking about my own 21st. I've known for the past year or so that I'm not having a party, but a dinner. I already have my guest list sorted and unless some major stuff happens between now and July 31st there will be 12 seats at the table.
I'm even excessive enough to know who is sitting where because in my group of invitees there is the potential that a few people may not get on very well. Now I'm trying to decide how grown up it should be. Last night there was a game of pass the parcel and in some of the wrappings were disposable cameras. If you got a camera, you had to use it up on shots of the night. I've heard of people doing it at weddings too and it seems kind of neat... but with a guest list as small as mine it seems a little silly.
Anyway. Yeah. I still need to pick where the eating will occur, but I'm getting some help with that one so hopefully all will be swell!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Girls Days / Plus One wanted
Pedicures have to be one of my favourite things about girls days with my Mum. I love wandering into the nail place and picking my colour and treating my feet right. Even though I really hate my feet and toes, I love having my nails painted.
I also love the fact that we go shopping. I got a new dress.
I know that one of my resolutions this year was to wear more colour, but I'm slowly creeping back into wearing black and white all the time. At least my glasses are red, right?
I wore that dress to an interview I had last night for a womens fashion store. I don't think the interview went well. I seem to have lost my ability to read people and situations and now I'm a little lost. I think that if I get the job at all, it'll be because I wore a cute dress instead of my usual muted, formal approach. The lady interviewing me even remarked on the cuteness so at least that's a win, right?
The initial reason for purchasing the dress (apart from cute factor) was because I have a 21st next weekend to go to. If Em and Annie aren't there (...actually, I hope Em got my text that she's invited) then I have a feeling I am going to know no one except for the host. The following week I have a play to go to in which I will only know one of the actors.
Normally, for me, that's okay. I enjoy doing stuff by myself - going to movies, having coffee, listening to music. Hell, sometimes I get too used to doing stuff alone and it gets a little weird. In Auckland I could always count on knowing someone where I was going (especially to a play!) or if I was sure no one I knew was going to be there, then I had a plus one like Lucy or Anni.
Here? I've realised that a lot of my friends are in relationships. So I can never say, "Let's you and me go and do x," because it'll always turn into an awkward third wheel situation. I love you guys, really, but sometimes I just want to hang out with YOU, not you and your significant other.
So I've decided that I want a new plus one. Mainly because spending nights at home with kitty are getting boring.
Oh, the search begins.
I also love the fact that we go shopping. I got a new dress.
I know that one of my resolutions this year was to wear more colour, but I'm slowly creeping back into wearing black and white all the time. At least my glasses are red, right?
I wore that dress to an interview I had last night for a womens fashion store. I don't think the interview went well. I seem to have lost my ability to read people and situations and now I'm a little lost. I think that if I get the job at all, it'll be because I wore a cute dress instead of my usual muted, formal approach. The lady interviewing me even remarked on the cuteness so at least that's a win, right?
The initial reason for purchasing the dress (apart from cute factor) was because I have a 21st next weekend to go to. If Em and Annie aren't there (...actually, I hope Em got my text that she's invited) then I have a feeling I am going to know no one except for the host. The following week I have a play to go to in which I will only know one of the actors.
Normally, for me, that's okay. I enjoy doing stuff by myself - going to movies, having coffee, listening to music. Hell, sometimes I get too used to doing stuff alone and it gets a little weird. In Auckland I could always count on knowing someone where I was going (especially to a play!) or if I was sure no one I knew was going to be there, then I had a plus one like Lucy or Anni.
Here? I've realised that a lot of my friends are in relationships. So I can never say, "Let's you and me go and do x," because it'll always turn into an awkward third wheel situation. I love you guys, really, but sometimes I just want to hang out with YOU, not you and your significant other.
So I've decided that I want a new plus one. Mainly because spending nights at home with kitty are getting boring.
Oh, the search begins.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
bloody Thursday
I was meant to be going out this morning to help a friend of mine doing a hairdressing course. Just as I was about to step out the door to go and meet her, she texted me saying that she actually needed someone for the afternoon, so could I change my time?
Sadly, well. If you know me, you know I like to obsessively plan stuff. Unless we're super close, I need to know that I'm doing something at least the day before or I go a little crazy. So, you know, in my obsessive little way I made plans with my Mum yesterday, for this afternoon.
(yes, my mother just accepts my obsessive ways and tends to plan days in advance with me :P)
I felt super bad having to say no, since, well, she needed my help. We've all been there, right? Like at Uni last year when you needed someone to do something, but there was no one to do it. Worst feeling ever.
Aw lame now I have to wear a hat today. She told me not to wash my hair because she'd wash it for me. I COULD go and shower, but I spent a very bleary twenty minutes in front of the mirror getting my hair looking normal, and my make up looking okay. I don't really want to ruin all of my hard work!
Bloody Thursday.
Hopefully this afternoon will be better. Mum and I are doing lunch and getting pedicures. Now that I usually work the days she doesn't, we barely get to see each other so we're going to hang out and be awesome.
I could go back to bed. It seems kinda pointless now, since my bed is made and I'm dressed.
Bloody Thursday.
Tuesdays and Thursdays used to be nasty to me when I was in high school. They've been nice to me for the past four years, but it looks as though Thursday has decided to stop playing nice.
Sadly, well. If you know me, you know I like to obsessively plan stuff. Unless we're super close, I need to know that I'm doing something at least the day before or I go a little crazy. So, you know, in my obsessive little way I made plans with my Mum yesterday, for this afternoon.
(yes, my mother just accepts my obsessive ways and tends to plan days in advance with me :P)
I felt super bad having to say no, since, well, she needed my help. We've all been there, right? Like at Uni last year when you needed someone to do something, but there was no one to do it. Worst feeling ever.
Aw lame now I have to wear a hat today. She told me not to wash my hair because she'd wash it for me. I COULD go and shower, but I spent a very bleary twenty minutes in front of the mirror getting my hair looking normal, and my make up looking okay. I don't really want to ruin all of my hard work!
Bloody Thursday.
Hopefully this afternoon will be better. Mum and I are doing lunch and getting pedicures. Now that I usually work the days she doesn't, we barely get to see each other so we're going to hang out and be awesome.
I could go back to bed. It seems kinda pointless now, since my bed is made and I'm dressed.
Bloody Thursday.
Tuesdays and Thursdays used to be nasty to me when I was in high school. They've been nice to me for the past four years, but it looks as though Thursday has decided to stop playing nice.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Is internet dating the way of the future?
Last year when I found Meredith as part of our internet dating documentary, she said something that really stuck with me. She was talking about the insurgence of internet dating and whether the whole, "and our eyes met across a crowded room," thing is a dying art or not.
She said that it was a dying art and that in ten years time most people will probably be meeting online. When I thought about that a little earlier today it kind of depressed me.
I mean, where will the art of conversation go?
It kind of got me thinking about how all online dating is really based on is how good your photos are, and how good your profile is. It's kind of like picking someone just because you know you'll have good looking kids with them - oh they like this movie, and this band so they're going to be my perfect match.
What about chemistry?
What about those little sparks of electricity that you get when you brush hands?
What about that awesome feeling when they say, "oh, and I love to bake," and you've always wanted to open a bakery?
My parents met when they were in primary school. They got to know each other when they were teenagers. My Dad taught my Mum how to drive when she was 16. They travelled together and only got married because my Mum was pregnant with me (my Dad's family is super Catholic). They've now been married for 21 years and they're still happy.
I mean, sure. There'll still be schools and parties in 10 years time, but who wants to go through all those drunken fucks and pity breakfasts and the slow getting to know each other's minds, when you've already gotten to know each other's bodies? That's a poorly phrased sentence, I know, but I hope you get my point. Are we just getting lazier, or can we not put up with all the bullshit that one drunken night causes anymore?
She said that it was a dying art and that in ten years time most people will probably be meeting online. When I thought about that a little earlier today it kind of depressed me.
I mean, where will the art of conversation go?
It kind of got me thinking about how all online dating is really based on is how good your photos are, and how good your profile is. It's kind of like picking someone just because you know you'll have good looking kids with them - oh they like this movie, and this band so they're going to be my perfect match.
What about chemistry?
What about those little sparks of electricity that you get when you brush hands?
What about that awesome feeling when they say, "oh, and I love to bake," and you've always wanted to open a bakery?
My parents met when they were in primary school. They got to know each other when they were teenagers. My Dad taught my Mum how to drive when she was 16. They travelled together and only got married because my Mum was pregnant with me (my Dad's family is super Catholic). They've now been married for 21 years and they're still happy.
I mean, sure. There'll still be schools and parties in 10 years time, but who wants to go through all those drunken fucks and pity breakfasts and the slow getting to know each other's minds, when you've already gotten to know each other's bodies? That's a poorly phrased sentence, I know, but I hope you get my point. Are we just getting lazier, or can we not put up with all the bullshit that one drunken night causes anymore?
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Hoodies
Today, while at family lunch, I saw a guy over 40 wearing a hoodie that looked like it was aimed at a 16 - 20 year old. Despite the fact that I am currently wearing a hoodie, it restarted my tirade against them.
I dislike girls and guys in hoodies. I'm not sure what it is about them, whether it's just because they look so lazy, or because I think a guy in a cardigan or nice jersey is lovely, but I can't stand them. I once jokingly said while my Mum was getting her hair done that hoodies should be illegal except for in the home and in the gym. The guy who was toning my Mum's hair agreed. He was wearing a lovely cardigan with big buttons and that reaffirmed my anti-hoodie belief even more.
I mean, sure. A cardigan can look a little preppy whereas a hoodie has that warm, cosy, lazy charm. But in public? Really?
I used to wear hoodies in public all the time which kind of makes me a hypocrite. I don't really mind though, because I prefer to wear a cardigan. For me, a hoodie is something to snuggle up in on the couch, or for when all of my cardigans are wet or in the wash.
Rant over.
I dislike girls and guys in hoodies. I'm not sure what it is about them, whether it's just because they look so lazy, or because I think a guy in a cardigan or nice jersey is lovely, but I can't stand them. I once jokingly said while my Mum was getting her hair done that hoodies should be illegal except for in the home and in the gym. The guy who was toning my Mum's hair agreed. He was wearing a lovely cardigan with big buttons and that reaffirmed my anti-hoodie belief even more.
I mean, sure. A cardigan can look a little preppy whereas a hoodie has that warm, cosy, lazy charm. But in public? Really?
I used to wear hoodies in public all the time which kind of makes me a hypocrite. I don't really mind though, because I prefer to wear a cardigan. For me, a hoodie is something to snuggle up in on the couch, or for when all of my cardigans are wet or in the wash.
Rant over.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
a catch up
Last night I had a dream that I was getting married. I'm not sure to who or why, but I was wearing a white wedding dress and I started to cry while saying, "I do." It was definitely to a boy though. I was then quite teary through the reception and I woke up in a complete state of shock. It was weird.
I've walked every day for 20 - 30 minutes for a week now. Today Mum came with me and we increased that time to 40 minutes. I went to the video shop too. I think I have lost a little bit of weight so far which is fun, but I'm still so far from where I want to be come my 21st.
I really haven't been up to much lately, except walking and watching 30 Rock. Well, and obsessing.
Oh, right. I got six movies from the video shop. They are:
Hostage
Carrie
Doppelganger
My Bloody Valentine
The Forgotten
Lost in Translation
I'm on a bit of a horror/thriller kick at the moment.
I've walked every day for 20 - 30 minutes for a week now. Today Mum came with me and we increased that time to 40 minutes. I went to the video shop too. I think I have lost a little bit of weight so far which is fun, but I'm still so far from where I want to be come my 21st.
I really haven't been up to much lately, except walking and watching 30 Rock. Well, and obsessing.
Oh, right. I got six movies from the video shop. They are:
Hostage
Carrie
Doppelganger
My Bloody Valentine
The Forgotten
Lost in Translation
I'm on a bit of a horror/thriller kick at the moment.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
dream
I had a dream that I was at home and a boy drove a 4 wheel drive through both of our fences and through a few of our neighbour's properties.
(please note that it is impossible to get any further than my property on one side because the neighbours have a huge garage.)
I ended up getting him to stop destroying our fence and yelled a lot. He never told me why he destroyed the fence, only that he would pay for it. He gave me a business card which told me he was a "scripter" and said to call a specific number on the card if I wanted to talk to him straight away, but otherwise he'd be at the home number in a couple of days. I told him I'd just call him at the home number and gave him my cell number, which it took me a very long time to remember and get all the numbers in the right place.
My Mum came home from work with a lot of groceries and I told him he had to clear off. He kissed me, open mouth, and it was cold like he'd been mouth breathing the whole time. I remember thinking, "Well, he's going to need some lessons in that!" and then went inside to help my Mum.
Mum asked who my friend was and I said, "He's not a friend. Here's his card." She didn't want it until I said, "Just look at the fence!"
Mum then woke me up making breakfast for the cats.
(please note that it is impossible to get any further than my property on one side because the neighbours have a huge garage.)
I ended up getting him to stop destroying our fence and yelled a lot. He never told me why he destroyed the fence, only that he would pay for it. He gave me a business card which told me he was a "scripter" and said to call a specific number on the card if I wanted to talk to him straight away, but otherwise he'd be at the home number in a couple of days. I told him I'd just call him at the home number and gave him my cell number, which it took me a very long time to remember and get all the numbers in the right place.
My Mum came home from work with a lot of groceries and I told him he had to clear off. He kissed me, open mouth, and it was cold like he'd been mouth breathing the whole time. I remember thinking, "Well, he's going to need some lessons in that!" and then went inside to help my Mum.
Mum asked who my friend was and I said, "He's not a friend. Here's his card." She didn't want it until I said, "Just look at the fence!"
Mum then woke me up making breakfast for the cats.
new photos
Just some photos of the secret stairs, the park by my house and a couple of new ones of me.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Life
I really haven't been doing much lately.
The day before yesterday I went to the supermarket. I love going to the supermarket.
Yesterday I got my hair done. It looks nice. Well, I think it does. Instead of getting a lift into town or catching a bus I walked. It took 40 minutes but was very nice because I went all the secret ways.
Today I went to visit my grandfather. He gave me some of my grandmother's scarves. I think it made my Dad really sad because it was my grandfather and one of my Dad's sisters organising the clothes to be either thrown away or given to the hospice and my Dad didn't even know about it. I will share my scarves with him. I put them around my hair when it looks terrible, like it did today. I think that cheered my Dad up a bit, because he said I looked like a cleaning lady and laughed. The last time I wore a scarf around my head I didn't have much hair and my manager at work said that it looked like I was about to make gumba and dance.
I also went driving today. I practised 3 point turns and went out onto the real road with real cars (as opposed to the 30k zone where I've been practising which has very limited traffic). That means that I increased my normal speed of 30 to the speed limit of 50. It terrified me but I'm looking forward to doing it again.
Tomorrow I'm packing my bag for graduation and going to the supermarket to get my brother food. He decided he didn't want to come to graduation, despite the fact that it's the school holidays and it's a trip away somewhere. He's strange sometimes.
Then Monday I'm travelling to Auckland and picking up my regalia and. Getting perfume. Other than that I'm not quite sure what else I'm doing.
And finally, on Tuesday, I see Lucy and RJ and Lisa and everyone else who's graduating and get to wear my nice dress and walk along a stage to get a very expensive piece of paper.
Today Dad and I were reading the newspaper and we discovered that one of our neighbours across the street died. So we went over to visit the family, which included the guy's wife, whose name is Gwen, and their daughters. Oh, and their grandson. One of the daughters was really short and everyone was really sad. Gwen and Allen had been married for many years - I think she said it'd been 40 or 50 years. I can't even imagine that timeframe. Gwen hugged me a lot and wouldn't let go of my hand. She also thought that I was my Mum, which, when I told my Mum this, Mum laughed.
Gwen told me a lot about her husband, like how when they were "courting" she would take the bus to meet him in town. If he got on the bus after her but didn't see her, she would poke him with her umbrella. It sounds like he was really special. I never met him, and I had never met Gwen before today.
The day before yesterday I went to the supermarket. I love going to the supermarket.
Yesterday I got my hair done. It looks nice. Well, I think it does. Instead of getting a lift into town or catching a bus I walked. It took 40 minutes but was very nice because I went all the secret ways.
Today I went to visit my grandfather. He gave me some of my grandmother's scarves. I think it made my Dad really sad because it was my grandfather and one of my Dad's sisters organising the clothes to be either thrown away or given to the hospice and my Dad didn't even know about it. I will share my scarves with him. I put them around my hair when it looks terrible, like it did today. I think that cheered my Dad up a bit, because he said I looked like a cleaning lady and laughed. The last time I wore a scarf around my head I didn't have much hair and my manager at work said that it looked like I was about to make gumba and dance.
I also went driving today. I practised 3 point turns and went out onto the real road with real cars (as opposed to the 30k zone where I've been practising which has very limited traffic). That means that I increased my normal speed of 30 to the speed limit of 50. It terrified me but I'm looking forward to doing it again.
Tomorrow I'm packing my bag for graduation and going to the supermarket to get my brother food. He decided he didn't want to come to graduation, despite the fact that it's the school holidays and it's a trip away somewhere. He's strange sometimes.
Then Monday I'm travelling to Auckland and picking up my regalia and. Getting perfume. Other than that I'm not quite sure what else I'm doing.
And finally, on Tuesday, I see Lucy and RJ and Lisa and everyone else who's graduating and get to wear my nice dress and walk along a stage to get a very expensive piece of paper.
Today Dad and I were reading the newspaper and we discovered that one of our neighbours across the street died. So we went over to visit the family, which included the guy's wife, whose name is Gwen, and their daughters. Oh, and their grandson. One of the daughters was really short and everyone was really sad. Gwen and Allen had been married for many years - I think she said it'd been 40 or 50 years. I can't even imagine that timeframe. Gwen hugged me a lot and wouldn't let go of my hand. She also thought that I was my Mum, which, when I told my Mum this, Mum laughed.
Gwen told me a lot about her husband, like how when they were "courting" she would take the bus to meet him in town. If he got on the bus after her but didn't see her, she would poke him with her umbrella. It sounds like he was really special. I never met him, and I had never met Gwen before today.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
My friend Lucy Z
Lucy Z is one of my best friends. Whenever I join a facebook group or become a fan of a "best friends" related page, Lucy is who I am thinking of.
I talk to her about pretty much everything. It's awesome.
She is very sweet and funny, and I don't like it when she gets sad. It makes me want to hurt the people who have made her sad.
She is easily the person I miss the most now that I live in New Plymouth. But that's okay because I get to see her when we graduate which is very soon.
I like how honest Lucy is. She would tell me if my lipstick was tacky, and if she thinks I'm looking nice she always tells me. That makes me smile.
(for the record, Lucy always looks nice. Seriously. Even when it's humid as fuck and we're all sweaty and nasty, she never looks like it's humid as fuck and that she's all sweaty and nasty).
She doesn't change her hair as often as I do, but it's still very nice.
And I just realised that she's even more special because a: her face is half cut off in the picture and b: she's the only Chinese friend I have.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Anxiety
It's weird, but I thought I was over these regular anxiety attacks. Especially since the only thing causing this one is thoughts of going out and being around people on Saturday.
And that's weird, since I'll have friends there (well, hopefully) and I'll only be about ten minutes from my house so it's not like I'm leaving town or anything. This is weird and I don't like it very much.
Perhaps I need to do something, like go to the library or to the park. Perhaps I'm spending too much time by myself.
Maybe I just need a break from everything.
And that's weird, since I'll have friends there (well, hopefully) and I'll only be about ten minutes from my house so it's not like I'm leaving town or anything. This is weird and I don't like it very much.
Perhaps I need to do something, like go to the library or to the park. Perhaps I'm spending too much time by myself.
Maybe I just need a break from everything.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Driving
Tomorrow my Dad is going to teach me how to drive.
Well, not teach as such. I understand the concept of driving (plus, my Mum's car is an automatic so I don't need to worry about changing anything). I understand indicating and braking and all that kind of stuff.
I just get really nervous when I get into a car. There are two potential reasons for this.
1. I've been a pedestrian for the past almost 21 years and the amount of times I've almost been hit by a car is ridiculous. I would never want to be on the other side of the story.
2. The last driving lesson I had was with a girl I used to work with. Prior to that lesson, it'd been about a year, maybe longer, and it'd been on an almost deserted road with no cars. All I literally did on this almost deserted road was drive up a straight road with a few speed bumps, drive in a circle around a car park and drive back down the straight road.
Well the girl decided that the best method to teach me was baptism by fire and took me to the Lynmall shopping centre car park in the middle of the school holidays. She made me drive through the car park, which was okay, and then turn onto a road with moving cars on it. I turned too sharply and almost hit a line of parked cars. She then yelled at me for a while. Well, screamed is probably the better term.
That experience kind of put me off driving.
I feel bad though. Pretty much all my friends drive and they're always giving me lifts everywhere and I feel bad that it always has to be them, you know? That I can't just do it by myself.
I managed to avoid it today. And I may manage to tomorrow because it's raining and the almost deserted road is down by one of the beaches and by the port. I don't know how that makes sense in my head but it does.
ANYWAY LAST NIGHT I WENT TO A PARTY.
The art gallery turned 40 and they threw a really lame street party to celebrate. I ended up leaving as Earth Hour started and went to a bar down the road. I had a bit of a chat with the bartender about how he spent St. Patrick's Day in Wellington and got so drunk he blacked out, then I got Subway and was home by 9:30pm.
Mainly I came home because I'd already had two gin and tonics at $8.50 each. I also came home because these weird boys came in and sat down next to me at the bar and they kept looking at me. That and the play I'm currently working on was annoying me. I had two ideas for a part of the main concept but I'm not sure which one would make more sense.
Anyway. Photos.
Well, not teach as such. I understand the concept of driving (plus, my Mum's car is an automatic so I don't need to worry about changing anything). I understand indicating and braking and all that kind of stuff.
I just get really nervous when I get into a car. There are two potential reasons for this.
1. I've been a pedestrian for the past almost 21 years and the amount of times I've almost been hit by a car is ridiculous. I would never want to be on the other side of the story.
2. The last driving lesson I had was with a girl I used to work with. Prior to that lesson, it'd been about a year, maybe longer, and it'd been on an almost deserted road with no cars. All I literally did on this almost deserted road was drive up a straight road with a few speed bumps, drive in a circle around a car park and drive back down the straight road.
Well the girl decided that the best method to teach me was baptism by fire and took me to the Lynmall shopping centre car park in the middle of the school holidays. She made me drive through the car park, which was okay, and then turn onto a road with moving cars on it. I turned too sharply and almost hit a line of parked cars. She then yelled at me for a while. Well, screamed is probably the better term.
That experience kind of put me off driving.
I feel bad though. Pretty much all my friends drive and they're always giving me lifts everywhere and I feel bad that it always has to be them, you know? That I can't just do it by myself.
I managed to avoid it today. And I may manage to tomorrow because it's raining and the almost deserted road is down by one of the beaches and by the port. I don't know how that makes sense in my head but it does.
ANYWAY LAST NIGHT I WENT TO A PARTY.
The art gallery turned 40 and they threw a really lame street party to celebrate. I ended up leaving as Earth Hour started and went to a bar down the road. I had a bit of a chat with the bartender about how he spent St. Patrick's Day in Wellington and got so drunk he blacked out, then I got Subway and was home by 9:30pm.
Mainly I came home because I'd already had two gin and tonics at $8.50 each. I also came home because these weird boys came in and sat down next to me at the bar and they kept looking at me. That and the play I'm currently working on was annoying me. I had two ideas for a part of the main concept but I'm not sure which one would make more sense.
Anyway. Photos.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
25 Facts
I remember doing one of these a year ago on facebook and I've decided to do another.
1. Even though most people wouldn't think it, I am incredibly obsessive about how I look.
2. I really like art. If you're ever buying something for me and aren't sure what, get me some art.
3. I get really obsessive about things really easily. Example: My Dad mentioned a job that he thought I would be good at. At first, I didn't think much of it. It's now three days later and I HAVE to get that job.
4. The lady at my video store knows me by name - not because she can see my account, but because I'm there so often.
5. I will always help someone. It doesn't matter how badly the person has hurt me, or how much they annoy me or anything - if they've got a play on, I'll promo it. If they're starting a club or group, I'll mention it to all of my friends.
6. Receiving letters in the post makes my day and, if it's a slow week, my week.
7. I am 20 and I have a degree and this fact terrifies me but also fills me with pride.
8. No matter how early I wake up, I always go to sleep after 11pm.
9. If I'm in a bad mood, a hair cut will always make me feel better.
10. I have to be a minimum of 20 minutes early somewhere. If I'm not, I get very anxious and sometimes have panic attacks.
11. One of my best friends is my hair dresser. That's not as sad as it sounds - we've known each other for about 7 years now.
12. I am very good at getting angry and stopping talking to people, sometimes for several years. I stopped talking to the guy who was my best friend all through high school for three years and now we're talking again and it's awesome.
13. I have a feeling I would sleep a lot better if I was sharing a bed with someone.
14. I am still not over my most recent break up. It's been almost three months and I still cry. People tell me that it's okay to mope and stuff but for me it's actually not okay.
15. I guess I try to portray myself as someone who's really emotionally tough, but the smallest things make me really sad and make me cry.
16. I still want to feel infinite one day. I think I've come close on occasion.
17. I really, REALLY like roller derby. I would never skate myself because I'm ridiculously uncoordinated, but ohhh, it's wonderful to watch.
18. I believe in karma.
19. Really small things make me really furiously angry.
20. I like it when it rains.
21. I wish I knew my extended family better.
22. I have three tattoos but they are always covered up.
23. I have very few friends and I like it that way.
24. Apparently I speak a lot more eloquently than I type. That's because when I type I get a lot of different ideas as I'm writing because I can't type as fast as I can talk.
25. I think chiropractors are wonderful.
1. Even though most people wouldn't think it, I am incredibly obsessive about how I look.
2. I really like art. If you're ever buying something for me and aren't sure what, get me some art.
3. I get really obsessive about things really easily. Example: My Dad mentioned a job that he thought I would be good at. At first, I didn't think much of it. It's now three days later and I HAVE to get that job.
4. The lady at my video store knows me by name - not because she can see my account, but because I'm there so often.
5. I will always help someone. It doesn't matter how badly the person has hurt me, or how much they annoy me or anything - if they've got a play on, I'll promo it. If they're starting a club or group, I'll mention it to all of my friends.
6. Receiving letters in the post makes my day and, if it's a slow week, my week.
7. I am 20 and I have a degree and this fact terrifies me but also fills me with pride.
8. No matter how early I wake up, I always go to sleep after 11pm.
9. If I'm in a bad mood, a hair cut will always make me feel better.
10. I have to be a minimum of 20 minutes early somewhere. If I'm not, I get very anxious and sometimes have panic attacks.
11. One of my best friends is my hair dresser. That's not as sad as it sounds - we've known each other for about 7 years now.
12. I am very good at getting angry and stopping talking to people, sometimes for several years. I stopped talking to the guy who was my best friend all through high school for three years and now we're talking again and it's awesome.
13. I have a feeling I would sleep a lot better if I was sharing a bed with someone.
14. I am still not over my most recent break up. It's been almost three months and I still cry. People tell me that it's okay to mope and stuff but for me it's actually not okay.
15. I guess I try to portray myself as someone who's really emotionally tough, but the smallest things make me really sad and make me cry.
16. I still want to feel infinite one day. I think I've come close on occasion.
17. I really, REALLY like roller derby. I would never skate myself because I'm ridiculously uncoordinated, but ohhh, it's wonderful to watch.
18. I believe in karma.
19. Really small things make me really furiously angry.
20. I like it when it rains.
21. I wish I knew my extended family better.
22. I have three tattoos but they are always covered up.
23. I have very few friends and I like it that way.
24. Apparently I speak a lot more eloquently than I type. That's because when I type I get a lot of different ideas as I'm writing because I can't type as fast as I can talk.
25. I think chiropractors are wonderful.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Sleepless nights
I can't sleep.
Normally when I can't sleep I watch How I Met Your Mother until I can. Sadly... I've had a lot of sleepless nights lately and so I've watched enough of HIMYM for the time being.
I just finished watching The Glass House. It had Leelee Sobeiski in it. I remember hating her when I was about 14 or 15 because she got to date Elijah Wood in Deep Impact.
I'm really not making any sense, am I?
Here's a late night photo. I should really try to sleep.
Normally when I can't sleep I watch How I Met Your Mother until I can. Sadly... I've had a lot of sleepless nights lately and so I've watched enough of HIMYM for the time being.
I just finished watching The Glass House. It had Leelee Sobeiski in it. I remember hating her when I was about 14 or 15 because she got to date Elijah Wood in Deep Impact.
I'm really not making any sense, am I?
Here's a late night photo. I should really try to sleep.
Monday, March 22, 2010
What a sad state of affairs
Personally, I think I live in one of the prettiest places in New Zealand. If you walk out of my front gate and turn left, you can see the mountain. If you turn right and walk down my street a little bit you can see the ocean. If you turn right, walk down the street a bit, turn right, walk a bit more and then turn left, you get to a pretty sweet park. A boy who used to live down the road from me, Alex, and I used to hang out in that park. I only actually remember like three times that we went there. One was at night and he kept watch while I played on the swings because there used to be some really dodgy kids that lived down the road from us. The last time we went there we were both 18 and we shared a bottle of really, really cheap wine and it was very cold. The weather, that is, not the wine.
That's not the point. None of that is the point. The point is that I'm angry that this country has decided to fail really badly.
First of all, mining in the national parks and on Great Barrier Island. Seriously. What the hell and who the hell thinks this is a good idea? I would really love for my grandchildren (god help us) to be able to actually see what nature is. I mean, yeah, they may be able to spin some kind of explanation like, "Oh, don't worry. We're not going to destroy it ALL. There'll still be some bits that can be enjoyed." Whatever. Do it to your own backyard first and then I may believe you.
You know, I always knew I had left wing views on stuff. I once supported a peace protest in 7th form, did you know that? Well. I didn't actually GO to it, but when the idea was tentatively suggested, I told them to do it. I even helped organise some stuff. I've never really been the type who would be all, "IT'S TOTES A GOOD IDEA TO CHAIN MYSELF TO THIS BULLDOZER SO IT DOESN'T DESTROY *SUCH AND SUCH*." In fact, those people kind of scare me.
The other thing annoying me at the moment is crime sentencing in this country. I don't mean stuff like the people who were acquitted for breaking into the spy base (although I'm still not quite sure how I feel about this - vandalism is wrong and all, but spies are cool). I mean when people think it's a good idea to sentence someone for a certain amount of years for raping a woman, then decide that it's then okay to DECREASE the amount of time they have to spend in prison. OH, DID HE NOT RAPE HER AS MUCH AS YOU THOUGHT AND SO IT'S OKAY TO DECREASE THE SENTENCE? DID SHE DESERVE IT A LITTLE BIT AND SO THEREFORE WAS KINDA ASKING FOR IT?
Once when this happened it actually made me cry. I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it's because I'm a woman and this could happen to me at any time. Maybe it's because it's unfair bullshit. I don't know.
However, the case that has caused so much rage is Liberty Templeman's case.
" "I grabbed her other arm and she told me to f... off and then she punched me. After she punched me I hit her back, I think somewhere on the side of the face, she kept hitting me and I kept hitting her back. She kept yelling and screaming at me to leave her alone and go away." "
First of all, why did he hit her back?
Second of all, as per the quote I heard on the news tonight: "Oh, I thought she would tell on me for accidentally pushing her over so I beat her up." What the fuck.
Third of all, a minimum of 11.5 years? Yes, he may be 16 but seriously? He was given a MURDER sentence.
This country needs to get it's shit together before we destroy ourselves.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
House Sitting
Tonight and tomorrow night I was meant to be house sitting for my Aunt but I ended up getting bored and came home to lasagne and kitties.
I think Sam, the 14 year old who is now 18, is angry at me because I dislike her boyfriend. I may have told her this last night after a few too many gin and tonics. She told me not to worry, but... well, to put it nicely she's a girl and a friend and I've kind of never met her boyfriend.
Last night my friend Annie and I went to see Mao's Last Dancer and had dinner and drinks. The movie was okay - it kind of annoyed me a little bit but that's okay. I had chorizo, mushroom and spinach pasta for dinner and it was delicious. Annie is a writer as well and so we discussed whether you have to just have creativity, or whether you can learn it.
After dinner we went to a fancy bar where she was recognised as a Mountain City Roller (Taranaki's roller derby girls). The bartenders asked if they could be cheerleaders and we decided to leave.
After that we ended up in a sports bar because we thought it would be funny and I heard a man yell, "GO YOU FUCKING MONGREL CUNTS!" at a dog race. In my drunken state, this was quite funny.
My friend Jeremy did my hair a few days ago. I would post a photo but whenever I try to upload one it cuts half of my face off.
Tonight the neighbours are being noisy. I was meant to be going to town with Sam and some of her friends. I decided not to. It's weird: her and her friends treat me like I'm more special than the average person. I think she builds me up to be more awesome than I actually am. It's strange.
Good night.
I think Sam, the 14 year old who is now 18, is angry at me because I dislike her boyfriend. I may have told her this last night after a few too many gin and tonics. She told me not to worry, but... well, to put it nicely she's a girl and a friend and I've kind of never met her boyfriend.
Last night my friend Annie and I went to see Mao's Last Dancer and had dinner and drinks. The movie was okay - it kind of annoyed me a little bit but that's okay. I had chorizo, mushroom and spinach pasta for dinner and it was delicious. Annie is a writer as well and so we discussed whether you have to just have creativity, or whether you can learn it.
After dinner we went to a fancy bar where she was recognised as a Mountain City Roller (Taranaki's roller derby girls). The bartenders asked if they could be cheerleaders and we decided to leave.
After that we ended up in a sports bar because we thought it would be funny and I heard a man yell, "GO YOU FUCKING MONGREL CUNTS!" at a dog race. In my drunken state, this was quite funny.
My friend Jeremy did my hair a few days ago. I would post a photo but whenever I try to upload one it cuts half of my face off.
Tonight the neighbours are being noisy. I was meant to be going to town with Sam and some of her friends. I decided not to. It's weird: her and her friends treat me like I'm more special than the average person. I think she builds me up to be more awesome than I actually am. It's strange.
Good night.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Home
Today I saw Em, my best friend from high school. It makes me really happy that we haven't changed - she ate my lunch in high school and she still continues to eat food that I give her. She sold my Mum a pair of shoes.
It is so sunny and beautiful and clear down here. There is no humidity either which makes everything better. Whenever I go into town I can only smell the ocean. There seems to be this kind of quiet happiness that I feel wherever I go.
Tomorrow I am helping my Dad restain our deck and paint the house. I am then hopefully seeing my friend Jeremy who I haven't seen in about two years for a quiet drink somewhere. He's now a qualified hairdresser and has agreed to be my personal stylist.
Then on Tuesday I will hopefully be seeing Annie for a contemplative catch up. In the space of time after I see Annie but before I leave I will be seeing Em again.
I feel so relaxed.
It is so sunny and beautiful and clear down here. There is no humidity either which makes everything better. Whenever I go into town I can only smell the ocean. There seems to be this kind of quiet happiness that I feel wherever I go.
Tomorrow I am helping my Dad restain our deck and paint the house. I am then hopefully seeing my friend Jeremy who I haven't seen in about two years for a quiet drink somewhere. He's now a qualified hairdresser and has agreed to be my personal stylist.
Then on Tuesday I will hopefully be seeing Annie for a contemplative catch up. In the space of time after I see Annie but before I leave I will be seeing Em again.
I feel so relaxed.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Time for Change
In two weeks time I will be out of Auckland and back in New Plymouth.
I cannot fucking wait.
I think I've spent too long in this city, doing too much for everyone else. I'm looking forward to working WOMAD and hopefully volunteering at the hospice, writing patient biographies, and just spending time with people I love. I'm looking forward to long conversations and laughs and sharing a bottle of wine with Annie. I'm looking forward to going on weird adventures with Em.
I need to make a list of things I want to achieve this year and post it. I need to narrow stuff down.
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